Let Me Never Forget This

 These past three months have been the hardest of my life. For a few weeks my body felt like it had been hit by a semi racing full speed down I-5. Trying to find balance between the title of ‘mom’ and ‘student’ has also been a challenge, and breastfeeding…I think I produced more tears than milk. But, as difficult as these gray winter months have been, they have also been sprinkled with flecks of gold. My once scrawny and red infant is plumping into a baby with hints of elephant rolls on his upper thighs, and I’m just recognizing how fleeting childhood is. Wistful longing sprouts from the core of my being in the realization that the first three months of my baby’s life are now just a memory. I don't mind him growing up (heavens, he's so much more fun when he smiles and giggles!), but I do mind knowing that I was terrible about documenting the beginning. So, I’m starting now. Here are some things I don't ever want to forget:

+ His first pair of blue jeans, which are one inch too big around the waist and rolled up (out of necessity) at the ends.

+ Those genuine smiles he flashes after eating, that no picture can ever quite catch the magic of. They're even better when accompanied by a throaty French “r”.

+ Overhearing Scott and his papà laugh and giggle right before a diaper change. We can't understand why the changing table is his favorite place to be.

+ Walking the far neighborhoods of Seattle with a sleeping infant strapped to my chest.

+ Reading the scriptures, snuggled close to Andrea while the baby lies on his chest.

+ How he blinks and smiles simultaneously when I tap his nose.

+ Walking to an orthodontist appointment and the office, hand in hand with my amore, Scott wrapped tightly in the Moby.

+ Scott’s small body lying on my chest, moving up and down to his rhythmic breathing, while we both take an afternoon nap.

+ Walking downtown. Scottie's naturally big eyes grow even larger as he takes in the honking, loud music, cars, people, and the wind on his face.

+ How excited and twitterpated I felt last Friday when we left Scott with babysitter Jade and went dancing. After-baby dates are better than ever.

+ The sad look that grows on Scott’s face when he's about to cry. I love his “bahing” and his “buhing” that say, "please hold me" and the quivering of his frowning bottom lip.

+ How joy overtook me last Sunday as I sat in a church pew watching my boys smile at each other, both dressed in their Sunday best.

+ Meeting Papà at the market just before dinner on a weekday. We buy plump fruit that glistens and olive oil, and then walk home together.

+ How I wrap my hands around his bulging belly to hold him upright, and how he looks up at me with those big blue eyes, cocks his head and coos.